What Can I Do?

The only things necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.

—Edmund Burke

• WRAP Week is from October 24 – November 1, 2009. During this time, choose at least one activity to help fight the influence of pornography on our communities.
• Have a Family Meeting to discuss this WRAP information from this blog. Distribute it elsewhere.
• Visit www.moralityinmedia.org to learn about wearing and ordering white ribbons, requesting anti-pornography proclamations from government leaders, providing clergy with information for sermons, requesting legal enforcement of obscenity laws, and making complaints about internet pornography.
• Visit www.strengthenthefamily.net for information on getting a child-friendly resolution passed by your local City Council and asking businesses to cover material not suitable for children.
• Join the Treasure Valley Chapter of American Mothers by participating in the WRAP week “Family-Friendly Shopping Week.” During the period of October 25 – November 1, 2009, shop only at stores that cover or remove material not suitable for children to see, such as Cosmopolitan magazines. In whatever way is most comfortable for you, respectfully let the store know why you won’t be shopping there during this week. You could visit the store manager in person, call on the phone, write a letter or email, or register a complaint on the corporate website. You can find the appropriate place to complain by searching online with “Contact us” and the name of the store. Be sure to also express gratitude to managers who are covering inappropriate material.
• Just do something—because our community’s kids are counting on us!

Why do I Need to Protect My Children From Pornography

As seen previously, children are especially vulnerable to the effects of pornography exposure. Children often form ideas about relationships and sex by images they see in their childhood. It becomes part of them. Here are some ways to help keep children safe from these negative images:

• Keep all inappropriate material out of your home. Children can become desensitized easily.
• Install effective internet filters. There is still a chance of pornography ads or pop-ups making it through, but without a filter, it will certainly show up on your computer.
• Teach children to “Crash and Tell” (from www.strenghtenthefamily.net Role-play with children what to do if inappropriate images appear on their computer or TV screen. Teach children that even though they may be curious about what they see, they need to immediately turn off the screen (crash) and tell an adult. Make sure they know they are not in trouble and they are not to blame.
• Make sure children know that the pornography industry is actively trying to expose them through pop-ups, spam emails, and chat rooms. They know pornography is addictive and they want to bring more people in and to get more money.
  
• Never allow children to have internet access in their bedrooms. Keep computers in a public area.
  
• Periodically check the History on your computer to see all sites accessed.
  
• Don’t give children and teens cell phones with internet access. “Sexting” (sending sexual images by cell phone text messages) is rampant among youth.
  
• Become involved in encouraging businesses to remove materials with sexual images and messages away from children’s view.
  
• Fight pornography in your community. Remember, even if you protect your children from pornography in your own home, other children may expose them, and the adults they interact with may victimize them. We need to address this as a community-wide problem in order to protect our families.
  
• Go to the website: http://www.cp80.org/flash/training/ english07.html for a 5-minute parent training program that helps parents set up safeguards against pornography.

What are the Affects of Pornography?

Pornography is addictive. "The brain processes all images ... as real. These images trigger a chemical secretion of the body's sex hormones while shutting down the left hemisphere's cognition, logic and speech. Erotic images physically restructure, imprint and physically damage the human brain (especially the undeveloped juvenile brain)." (John L. Harmer, president of Lighted Candle Society).

An addict said, “In my eyes cocaine doesn’t hold a candle to this. I have done both. … Quitting even the hardest drugs was nothing compared to [trying to quit pornography].”

According to Charles Keating of Citizens for Decency Through Law, 77 percent of child molesters of boys and 87 percent of child molesters of girls admitted imitating the sexual behavior they had seen modeled in pornography.

Dr. Dolf Zimmerman and Dr. Jennings Bryant showed that continued exposure to pornography led to negative beliefs about sexuality and women and a more accepting attitude towards rape.

The Society of Divorce Lawyers reports that pornography addiction has replaced financial problems as the number one cause of divorce in America. Pornography can destroy the trust in a marriage, and set up a false and unrealistic expectation for a sexual relationship.

For children, the effects reported by Dr. Jill Manning confirm that the harm to mental filters is one of seven primary negative effects of children exposed to pornography. The other six are: Emotional trauma, Having sex earlier, Desiring and pursuing sex apart from emotional attachments, Antagonism toward being married or having a family, Higher risk for sexual compulsions and addictions, and Believing that deviant sex practices are normal and common.

Why Worry About Pornography

According to Family Safe Media, pornography is a $12 billion dollar industry in the United States alone. According to their statistics, pornography revenue exceeds the combined revenues of all professional baseball, football, and basketball franchises and the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC. Sex is the number one search on the internet. We live in a society where many of the people we interact with have recently been viewing pornography. It affects us all.

WRAP

WRAP stands for White Ribbons Against Pornography. The next few posts are going to be information about WRAP and why it is so important. They will answer these questions: Why worry about pornography? What are the effects of pornography? Why do I need to protect children against pornography? and What can I do?

Fun way to get your kids to eat their dinner

My children are generally the slowest eaters known to man. What can I say I think they get it from their mother :) There are times we have sat at the dinner table for over an hour to eat a relatively small meal. It drives my husband crazy because he is a pretty quick eater and doesn't want to leave the table until we are all done. Out of desperation we found a new game called "Beat the Clock" What you do is set the timer for 15 minutes, and tell the kids to "beat the clock" and eat all of their food before it goes off. When the timer dings dinner is over. Because our children are still relatively young and 15 minutes is a large number that they don't quite comprehend yet we tweaked it a little. We wait until they start to wind down in their eating and set it for 4 minutes. They think it is great. They have actually started asking to play this game at dinner time. When the timer dings they willingly get down from the table. It is so nice to be able to eat dinner without constantly saying "Eat your dinner" "Hurry up" and so on.

Let's Try That Again!

Skill: Using a Verbal Prompt
When to use it: For sassing, demanding, whining, and other inappropriate child comments.
In a nutshell: Give your kids a chance to self-correct. Simply reminding them of appropriate behavior may be all it takes.

It drives me crazy when my kids use a demanding, sassy, or whiny voice tone. Too often, I find myself responding in the same kind of voice! Have you ever heard a child say, "Get me some juice!" and the parent respond, "Do I look like your servant?" in the same kind of whiny, childish voice tone? It is up to us as parents to set the verbal tone in our homes! One way to do this is to use a verbal prompt. If your little diva demands her dinner, instead of answering in an equally inappropriate voice tone, try something like this: "Can you ask with kind words?" or "Let's try that over again." Will it work every time? Of course not! But for many situations, all the child needs is a little verbal prompting. You may be surprised!

Try this: If (umm....when...) you get a sassy or inappropriate response from your kids today, try your pre-set line such as "Let's try that again." Did they self-correct? Let us know how it goes!

Alison

AMI is great

A special thanks to all who came to the August 4th class. It was great. I enjoyed all of your comments. I think the one of the best parts of attending the meetings is learning from each of your experiences.

Thanks to Allison for preparing the lesson. You always do a great job!

Leslie

Skill: Be Proactive!

Skill: Be Proactive
When to use it: All the time!
In a nutshell: Take a little time to plan ahead in your parenting. How will you deal with appropriate behavior? How will you deal with inappropriate behavior? When you take time to plan, you save time in discipline problems!

One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Does anyone else ever mother "insanely?" I often find myself in the movie Groundhog Day, reliving the same situations over and over. Like whenever we cross the threshold of any store, my three-year-old automatically needs to go to the bathroom--because I forgot to take her before we left home again. Or when I don't plan ahead on Sunday mornings and spend the last few minutes yelling at everyone to hurry up and get in the car as we finish dressing and putting on shoes on the way. Or even when I know a bedtime tantrum is approaching, but I continue on the same grumpy course of the previous night.

A valid principle of human behavior is that if you keep doing what you're doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. On the other hand, taking a little time to plan ahead and be a PROACTIVE parent can break the repetitious insanity cycle we often find ourselves trapped in. Here are a couple suggestions for shaking things up, and hopefully breaking out of a rut.

1. Change the environment
What can you do to change the environment where problems tend to occur? An easy solution for a toddler who keeps breaking things is to baby proof the house and move anything valuable or dangerous to higher ground. Maybe a teenager will open up more eating pizza over lunch in a restaurant instead of a late-night confrontation at home. Use music to change the environment of your house during mealtimes or cleaning up. My friend Amy Means manages a nightly devotional time with her young children by lighting a candle. The family loves gathering around the flickering light as they spend time together and then blowing it out with a wish when they are done. Another friend, Jennifer Porter, made special pillows for each child to sit on when it was time to read together to help little children stay in one place. These are both great examples of parents being proactive in changing the environment to help manage behaviors.

2. Put it on paper
Take some time to make a list of a few problem behaviors. Next to each problem, brainstorm a proactive solution. Here's one example (that has never, never, happened at my house): Imagine a child who consistently leaves a bike out in back of the car. A reactive solution would be to yell and ask dumb questions like, "When will you ever learn to take care of your things!? Do you want me to run over your bike???" A proactive solution would be to teach the child what you expect, show them where their bike belongs, and then tell them they have the privilege of riding the bike each day when they have put it away properly. If it is not put away, they will deny themselves the privilege of riding the bike for 24 hours. Write this plan down! Then if the bike is left out, calmly follow through with your plan. When we are proactive on paper beforehand, it helps us parent better in the heat of the moment. You're less likely to turn into the Mommy Monster and behave even worse than your kids did.

3. Practice
It may sound silly, but role playing how you will deal with a flare-up is a great way to be a proactive parent. Practice saying things like, "I'm sorry you're sad" instead of "Stop that yelling!" Practice saying, "That show is not appropriate" instead of giving in to the begging and then feeling like a pushover. Practice ahead of time, so you don't have to try to have all the answers when emotions are high.

Try this:
Make your list of triggers and misbehaviors. Write down how you can change the environment or change your response, and then practice being the great mom you want to be! Be PROACTIVE!

Literacy: Shoe Box Train Rescue

Here is the literacy activity from our August 4th meeting. It will be fun to get this book from the public library and read it together right before we make our train. It would be fun to read it again while they decorate their box cars. Developmentally this is for a 2-5-year-old child, but my 1-year-old loves pulling anything that has a string attached, she will love this.